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disinvestments in  india after 1991
details of  the data  concerning kerala / finance commission of india  site
cds studies on public sector effectiveness in kerala and india
economic survey of  india  for the previous years arogyakeralam/dhs/general  transfer http://arogyakeralam.gov.in/docs/dhs/generaltransfer2010-070110.pdfapplication form

ignou result page
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FUNDAMENTAL COMPETENCIES FOR ENHANCED SERVICE PROVISION

----------------------- PUBLISHED   BY  POULOS-----------------------

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: FUNDAMENTAL COMPETENCIES


FOR ENHANCED SERVICE PROVISION


                          HERE ARE  SOME  EXCERPTS  FROM  WORLD CLASS STUDIES ON     FUNDAMENTAL   COMPETENCIES    FOR  ENHANCED    SERVICE   PROVISION     WITH  CORE      EI   DIMENSIONS
         HERE    POULOS     ENVISAGES   THE   EDITED  SEQUENCES  OF    THE  PROS  AND  CONS  OF    EI   RELATED    INTERVENTIONS  IN  COMPETENCY  DEVELOPMENET


Previous research indicates that one feature of successful organisations is that they are able to

create a climate for service (e.g.: Schneider & Bowen, 1993, Schneider et al, 1998). At the level

of the individual employee this manifests itself as concern for customers and awareness of the

practices and behaviours that are expected by management. In effect, these qualities may be

expressed as broad interpersonal competencies such as communication skills (e.g. Ostell, 1996),

empathy (e.g.: Zeithaml, Parasuraman & Berry, 1990, p. 26) and emotional labour (e.g.:

Hochschild.1993, Morris & Feldman. 1996). At the organisational level, a climate for service

requires reinforcement through the implementation and support of appropriate employee

behaviours based on clear ‘service quality specifications’ (i.e. from the SERVQUAL model –

Parasuraman et al. 1988). This also involves genuine concern for employees as ‘internal

customers’ (eg: Schneider et al.1998, Johnson 1996), and is facilitated by an appropriate

leadership style. It is further encouraged by empowerment of the employee, which is largely

achieved through removal of obstacles and ‘inhibitors’ such as inappropriate HR policies,

restrictive management style, etc.



In this article we propose that the relatively new concept of Emotional Intelligence (or ‘EQ’ -

e.g. Goleman, 1998) captures many of the key competencies involved in creating and

maintaining an appropriate climate for service. This approach suggests that individuals vary in

their capacity to process, regulate and manage information of an emotional nature, and is further

supported by recent evidence that demonstrates specific areas in the brain for this emotional

processing (LeDoux, 1998). By and large, emotional experiences are intricately related to

maintaining social self-images and psychological aspects of the self such as values, beliefs,

needs, goals and expectations.



However, emotional intelligence is not about emotions per se , but more about the relationship

between thoughts, feelings and behaviour. It may be seen as a measure of the degree to which

individuals vary in their ability to perceive, understand and regulate their own emotions and

those of others, and integrate these with their thoughts and actions. Therefore, individuals with

high EQ display strong self-awareness and interpersonal skill. They are empathic, adaptable and

able to cope with pressure, and generally experience less stress and better health and morale

(Slaski & Cartwright, 2002). All these attributes are highly desirable for customer facing

positions, and enhance the type of transformational management style required to create a

positive service climate (e.g.: Barling et al., 2000). As evidence also suggests that EQ is a better

predictor of management success than IQ, and that it can be developed, it seems appropriate to

incorporate this concept into staff selection, performance management and training policies.



The key to successful development of emotional intelligence lies in an emphasis on self-

awareness. We argue that attempts to address social skills without the development of self-

awareness are fruitless. In a sense, effective behaviour is the authentic expression of 'who we




are'. Thus, high levels of self-awareness among organisational employees are seen as essential

in the creation of enhanced climate for service.



In order to test this hypothesis, sixty managers from a large retail chain were invited to attend an

EQ development programme. This programme was delivered for one day per week over a four-

week period. During this time trainees were encouraged to develop awareness of aspects of

themselves, and their relationships with others, through an examination of their emotional

experiences. In this way trainees were able to acquire a greater sense of 'who I am' in terms of

their own personal values, beliefs, attitudes, expectations, goals, and ambitions. In so doing they

were also able to develop a greater understanding of others from this perspective.



Participants completed research questionnaires prior to the programme, and again six-months

following the programme. The questionnaires were designed to measure EQ, stress, health,

morale, and quality of working life. In addition, participants' line-managers were asked to

complete a questionnaire examining management performance both before and six-months

following the programme. This instrument was based on the organisation’s own 'critical success

factor' model of performance and included a number of items highly related to service

orientation.



To fully test the effectiveness of the programme, a further sixty managers acted as a control-

group. The control-group completed the questionnaires but did not participate in the EQ

development programme. Results showed that after six-months, participants in the programme

demonstrated statistically significant improvements on all the research variables in comparison

with the control-group i.e. emotional intelligence, stress, general health, morale, quality of

working life and management performance (Slaski & Cartwright, 2002b). A follow-up survey

up to 18 months later involved interviewing managers to ascertain the impact of EQ development

on their behaviour. Below are some comments recorded from these interviews:



"A whole new world has emerged - 'other peoples feelings'. At work I have had the most

productive six-months I have ever had, I've handled pressure and disappointments in very

positive ways". D.B.



"The EQ programme has helped me develop a clearer sense of my own personal

responsibilities. It has also helped me to establish purpose in my life, and I am happier

with myself. I now seem to have created more time by worrying less, and as a

consequence life has slowed down. I now bring my whole self to work rather than

leaving part of me at the door, and I feel both my relationships and my performance have

improved". K.D.



"I was previously not aware of the impact of emotions, consequently I have become more

emotionally observant which has helped me with relationships both at work and in my

private life." J.B.



In conclusion, it is clear that those organisations that are successful in today's dynamic business

world take a more proactive approach to developing a positive service climate. It follows that

excellent service, with positive emotional content, is most likely to be facilitated by employees

who are emotionally self-aware - and who understand others on a more emotional level. This




ability has been described as emotional intelligence. In purposefully developing emotional

intelligence, managers have been able to acquire greater self-understanding, have demonstrated

better health, morale and quality of work life, and have been able to foster and build closer

working relationships. We argue that it is crucial for organisational leaders to recognise the

importance of emotionally intelligent behaviour, and to actively reward it. Positive reinforcement

of an emotionally intelligent environment will enable the development of a service-orientated

climate which is authentic in nature, and therefore more effective. On this basis, it seems

appropriate that the role of emotional intelligence is taken into consideration when devising

organisational policies, processes and procedures - particularly around staff selection, training

and development, and performance management.
 

             THE   CONFORMITY     OF  THE    EI    ATTRIBUTES WITH  THE  THE   CORE  COMPETECNCY   CREDENTIALS   ARE  STILL  OPEN  TO  BE   STUDIED   AND  EVALUATED.

          POULOS   CALLS  FOR  FURTHER    PERSEVERENCES
 AND   EXPLORATIONS  TO  THE  DEEPER  LEVEL  FROM  THE  GLOBAL  RESEARCHERS    AND    ACADAMICIANS.



REFERENCES



"EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE "   BY         DANIEL    GOLEMAN

Philip Bardzil (0)161 200 8786

philip.bardzil@umist.ac.uk

Centre for Research in Work & Organizational Psychology
THANKS FROM POULOS

COMPONENTS OF EI CONTRIBUTING TO BETTER RELATIONSHIPS

EMOTIONAL  INTELLIGENCE  FOR  BETTER
     INTERPERSONAL COMPETENCIES

PUBLISHED BY poulos p.a. THRISSUR,KERALA, INDIA

                          The plateau  of  higher  level  of  thoughts  on  welding up   the  proximity  among  personnel   should be a  case of   foremost    premierness in the current scenario.
                 Here   POULOS  provides  you with  some excerpts    from  different  worldclass  studies  on  the  topic along with  the subjective  as well as    blended factoral  illusions . 


Emotion refers to a feeling state (including physiological responses and cognitions) that conveys information about relationships. Emotions are intense feelings that are directed towards someone or something, and are considered to be critical factors in employee behaviour. --Stephen P. Robbins. Traditionally, it has for long widely acknowledged that emotions and feelings of individual workers have lesser role in work contribution and effective work place management. Since one cannot smell emotions, touch emotions, taste emotions and measure or quantify emotions, this non-tangible phenomenon got only limited attention from management, at work place. Management considers emotions as too subjective and whimsical phenomenon, which contributes less to productivity and profit. While it has been reported by may researchers and authors that effective judgment of the work situation that depends on the exploration of emotional information. This information is closer to the intelligence of a person and needs to be thoroughly evaluated in to.

Emotional Intelligence

David Wechsler define Intelligence as the aggregate or global capacity of an individual to act purposefully, to think rationally, and to deal effectively with his environment. Intelligence refers to the capacity to reason validly about information. Emotional intelligence can be considered a mental ability that involves the ability to reason validly with emotional information, and the action of emotions to enhance thought. Emotional Intelligence is a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one's thinking and action (Salovey and Mayer 1990). Emotional intelligence represents an ability to validly reason with emotions and to use emotions to enhance thought. It includes the abilities to accurately perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth. Emotional intelligence refers to an ability to recognize the meanings of emotion and their relationships, and to reason and problem-solve on the basis of them. Emotional intelligence is involved in the capacity to perceive emotions, assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of those emotions, and manage them. Emotional intelligence is a part of human personality, and personality provides the context in which emotional intelligence operates. Generally speaking, emotional intelligence improves an individual's psychosocial adjustment with effective group living. The higher the emotional intelligence indicates the better social and group living. Emotional Intelligence is a master aptitude, a capacity that profoundly affects all other abilities, either facilitating or interfering with them (Daniel Goleman).

Psychological Dimensions of Emotional intelligence

An emotionally balanced worker is more required for modern industrial organisations to be competitive and target oriented that in par with the requirement of the market economy. Emotionally balanced workers have the attributes of emotional intelligence, that includes self-awareness, self-confidence, transparency, adaptability, optimism, empathy, inspirational leadership and conflict management, mark the employees who excel. This indicates that the emotional intelligence rest on the pillars of competency, maturity and Sensitivity

* Emotional Competency: this indicates one's the ability and capacity to effectively respond to emotional stimuli elicited by various situations, having high self-esteem and optimism etc.

* Emotional Maturity: this indicates one's the ability and capacity to effectively evaluate emotions of oneself and others, balancing state of heart and mind, adaptability and flexibility etc.

* Emotional Sensitivity: this indicates one's the ability and capacity to effectively understanding intensity of emotional arousal, managing the immediate environment etc.

Components of Emotional Intelligence

Most important aspect in effective coping or adjustment is the self-awareness viz., recognizing one's emotions, feelings, impulses and their effects and its impact on those around. The self-awareness enables one to understand the internal frame of references of one's self, the intuitions, strength and weaknesses, the recourses and competencies. A better emotional and self-awareness help to have effective self-regulation in one's response towards varied situations. The emotional awareness leads to conscious use of self in a controlled manner and regulate one's emotional involvement and attachment to varied situations. Major indicator of emotional intelligence is the flexibility and the adaptability one shows toward charging situations. There may be fear, anxiety, frustration, tension, irritation, anger etc associated with the charging situations. To what extend individual worker shows his ability and adaptability with the charging situation that determine his capacity to manage self and manage emotions. Managing varied form of emotions, which include varied forms of moods and impulses, is the difficult part one has to face in various incidents and thus it is a part of emotional intelligence. Managing self is thus the engaging and controlling conscious use of self in regulating the emotions in its best form so that effective coping with the innovative situations made possible. Here, the individual motivation to challenge or cope up with the situation deeply influences its outcome. To what extend individual motivated to understand the change scenario or the charging situation and extend their flexible and adaptable effort towards effective coping that is the resultant response of rationale-emotive decision-making, his competence in effective use of skills, need prioritization and goal realization. An employee with high emotional intelligence can control, direct, lead manage his or her own moods and impulses, and there by communicate with others effectively, manage change well, solve problems, and use humor to build rapport in tense situations. Here one can observe the effective use of empathetic understanding on incidents or situations rather than sympathetic perception. In an empathetic understanding the individual members try to understand the internal frame reference without loosing oneself to the emotionally charged situations. An empathetic understanding avoids many conflict generating situations. Empathy, a part of emotional intelligence regulate the emotional involvement of the individual and lead them to win-win conflict handling situations. It leads to better mediation and negotiation and result positive outcome. One of the major out come of emotional awareness is the betterment of interpersonal relations at work and it leads to teamwork and team building exercise. Self-managing teams are the by-product of rationale- emotive adjustment of members at work based on common objectives and goal realization.

Why emotional intelligence important at work

Emotional intelligence is a set competencies, which direct and control one's feelings towards work and performance at work. The set of competencies is the ability of the individual being to control and manage his or her moods and impulses, which contribute to best of situational outcomes. Understanding one's own moods and impulses of others or any situation helps one to respond and behave accordance with expectations. In a work situation workers effective use of skill and knowledge in time depends on the effective regulation of emotions at work and his readiness to contribute to best in their target accomplishment. Knowing one's emotions and feelings as they occur, and tuning one's self to the charged situation, requires the emotional competency, emotional maturity and emotional sensitivity that determine the success of adaptability and adjustment with the change scenario. In a work situation, since it involves group of people with different ideas, suggestions, and opinions, effective conglomeration of all these determine the best outcome. Here the emotional intelligence plays a significant role at work. We can ask many questions in this context. Why do some people more involved in their work? Why do some people always create problems to the management and organisation? Why some people shows their personality structure that in tune with the organisational expectation. Why some people shows their self-interest more than organisational interest. In many cases the answer to the questions lies on emotional intelligence than organisational factors.

Suggestions towards emotional intelligence

The author suggest following tips of emotions intelligence that may help members to improve their self orientation and self awareness which produce proactivity and productivity at work.

1. Develop better self awareness
2. Be honest with yourself
3. Maintain standards of integrity
4. Always subject to self criticisms
5. Be always sure about self worth and capacities
6. Be aware of competencies ands skill
7. Focus on positive feelings
8. Probe every source of your reaction
9. Distinguish relevant and irrelevant reactions
10. Listen to the other person's words
11. Step into other's shoes and understand their feelings
12. Keep your body relaxed
13. Control your negative emotions like anger, irritation, excessive anxiety etc
14. Be always realistic in your observation and understanding
15. Analyse the situation/feelings being detached
16. Always feel responsible to your actions
17. Give positive wieghtage to all your emotions
18. Be aware that the response to the feelings that matters
19. Conscious use of self in response to information and feelings
20. Be always empathetic than sympathetic
21. Keep your good memories always bright
22. Accept others feelings as you have
23. Try to understand what others feel about same situation
24. Think positive even in negative situations
25. Banish worry by action
26. Always clear about expression of feelings and thoughts
27. Conglomerate the opinions of others
28. Recognize the value association of yours and others feelings
29. Incorporate others feelings and thoughts in your decision based on outcome
30. Be conscious of productive management of emotions
31. Always give clear explanations to your subordinates and boss
32. Involve in activities, which give confidence and self-control
33. Show your ability to accept and understand others
34. Showing active interest in others interest and concerns
35. Do always sense others need for growth, affiliation and power
36. Make use of persuasion than punishment to get the desired results
37. Do adopt win-win conflict resolution strategies
38. Nurture better interpersonal relationship
39. Encourage group task and collective will which develop group synergy
40. Share the value system which is widely held by the members
41. Control disruptive emotions and impulses
42. Constant evaluation of the accountability from the followers
43. Be adaptable to all situations and circumstances
44. Show your flexibility in all change effort
45. Accept the ideas and suggestions which are relevant to better outcome
46. Show your initiativeness in all change effort
47. Keep your mind always optimistic
48. Enjoy every emotions of your success and achievement
49. Align your self goal with organisational goal
50. Do always cultivate opportunities for growth
51. Maximize learning opportunities
52. Deliver the assessment with care
53. Encourage participation at all levels
54. Encourage insight and self-awareness
55. Give objective feed back
56. Encourage self directed change and learning
57. Allow emotions to play their role in decision making to certain extend
58. Avoid sense of disasters
59. Keep a journal of your emotions
60. Develop organisational culture that support learning

Conclusion

Researchers investigated dimensions of emotional intelligence (EI) by measuring related concepts, such as social skills, interpersonal competence, psychological maturity and emotional awareness, long before the term "emotional intelligence" came into use. Emotional intelligence is part of health and well-being. It is widely accepted around the world as a key element in our success, family life, physical fitness, self-esteem and creativity. Emotional Intelligence is increasingly relevant to organizational development and developing people, because the EQ principles provide a new way to understand and assess people's behaviours, management styles, attitudes, interpersonal skills, and potential. Emotional Intelligence is an important consideration in human resources planning, job profiling, recruitment interviewing and selection, management development, customer relations and customer service, and more.
   The conformity  of  quality building  and development  with  timely inteventions  might take  notice  of  the
 directions  emphasized  in this humble attempt.
poulos

Reference

1. Ashforth, B.E. & Humphrey, R.H. (1995). Emotion in the workplace: A reappraisal. Human Relations, 48(2), 97-125.

2. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.

3. Mayer, J. D., Caruso, D., & Salovey, P. (1999). Emotional intelligence meets traditional standards for an intelligence. Intelligence, 27, 267-298.

4. Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2000). Models of emotional intelligence. In R. J. Sternberg (Ed.). Handbook of Intelligence (pp. 396-420). Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.

5. Thorndike, E.L. (1920). Intelligence and its uses. Harper's Magazine, 140, 227-235.

Relation between interpersonal conflicts and effective communition by poulos

relation between interpersonal conflicts and effective communication -- by poulos,kerala india

Relation  between

Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication

We   are getting on and on  with    the neverending  conflicting  situations   endangling  suomotto    and  seek   to   encarve  the imprints among the  free path  of our lives.


      poulos   is  hithering  to  have a momentery glimpse   over the communication aspect of 
 the roots of interpersonal   conflicts.




Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication

Conflict between people is a fact of life – and it’s not necessarily a

bad thing. In fact, a relationship with frequent conflict may be

healthier than one with no observable conflict. Conflicts occur at all

levels of interaction – at work, among friends, within families and

between relationship partners. When conflict occurs, the relationship

may be weakened or strengthened. Thus, conflict is a critical event in

the course of a relationship. Conflict can cause resentment, hostility

and perhaps the ending of the relationship. If it is handled well,

however, conflict can be productive – leading to deeper understanding,

mutual respect and closeness. Whether a relationship is healthy or

unhealthy depends not so much on the number of conflicts between

participants, but on how the conflicts are resolved.

Sometimes people shy away from conflict, and the reasons for this are

numerous. They may, for example, feel that their underlying anger may go

out of control if they open the door to conflict. Thus, they may see

conflict as an all-or-nothing situation (either they avoid it altogether

or they end up in an all-out combative mode, regardless of the real

severity of the conflict). Or they may find it difficult to face

conflict because they feel inadequate in general or in the particular

relationship. They may have difficulty in positively asserting their

views and feelings. Children who grow up surrounded by destructive

conflict may, as adults, determine never to participate in discord. In

this situation, the person may never have learned that there are

effective, adaptive ways to communicate in the face of conflict.

People adopt a number of different styles in facing conflict. First, it

is very common to see a person avoid or deny the existence of conflict.

Unfortunately, in this case, the conflict often lingers in the

background during interaction between the participants and creates the

potential for further tension and even more conflict. A second response

style is that of one person getting mad and blaming the other person.

This occurs when a person mistakenly equates conflict with anger. This

stance does nothing to resolve the conflict and in fact only serves to

increase the degree of friction between the two participants by

amplifying defensiveness. A third way which some people use to resolve

conflict is by using power and influence to win at the other’s expense.

They welcome conflict because it allows their competitive impulses to

emerge, but they fail to understand that the conflict is not really

resolved since the “loser” will continue to harbor resentment.

Similarly, some people appear to compromise in resolving the conflict,

but they subtly manipulate the other person in the process, and this,

again, perpetuates the conflict between the two parties and compromises

the trust between them. There are better ways to handle interpersonal

conflict.

Healthy Approaches to Conflict Resolution

Conflicts run all the way from minor, unimportant differences to

disputes which can threaten the existence of a relationship. Conflicts

with a loved one or a long-term friend are, of course, different from

negotiating with someone who does not care about your needs, like a

stranger or a salesperson. However, there is an underlying principle

that underscores all successful conflict resolution. That is, both

parties must view their conflict as a problem to be solved mutually so

that both parties have the feeling of winning – or at least finding a

solution which is acceptable to both. Each person must participate

actively in the resolution and make an effort and commitment to find

answers which are as fair as possible to both. This is an easy principle

to understand, but it is often difficult to put into practice.

We may get so caught up with our own immediate interests that we damage

our relationships. If we disregard or minimize the position of the other

person, if fear and power are used to win, or if we always have to get

our own way, the other person will feel hurt and the relationship may be

wounded. Similarly, if we always surrender just to avoid conflict, we

give the message to the other person that it is acceptable to act

self-serving at our expense and insensitive to our needs. Our feeling of

self-worth suffers, resentment festers, and we feel poisoned in the

relationship. Instead, it is healthier if both parties can remain open,

honest, assertive and respectful of the other position. Mutual trust and

respect, as well as a positive, constructive attitude, are fundamental

necessities in relationships that matter.

Preventing Conflict

Most people have no interest in creating conflict with others. Most of

us know enough about human behavior to distinguish between healthy

communication and the words or actions that contribute to rocky

relationships. It is in our interest to maintain relations which are

smooth, flexible, and mutually enhancing. The problem occurs when we

fail to use cooperative approaches consistently in our dealing with

others. We seldom create conflict intentionally. We do it because we may

not be aware of how our own behavior contributes to interpersonal

problems. Sometimes we forget, or we are frustrated and annoyed, and

sometimes we just have a bad day. At times we feel so exasperated that

we focus on our own needs at the expense of others’. And then we find

ourselves in conflict.

To prevent conflict from happening in the first place, it is important

to identify the ways in which we contribute to the disagreement. One way

of doing this is to identify a specific, recent conflicted situation,

recall what you said, and then think specifically about how you could

have used more effective language. Think about ways in which your

communication could have set a more trustful tone or reduced

defensiveness. Then, once you have identified your part in the conflict,

such as blaming, practice working on that particular behavior for a day

or a week. At the end of the time period, evaluate your progress. Did

you succeed? In what situations did you not succeed? (While it may be

the other person who created the conflict, you are the other half of the

interaction and it is your own response that you have control over and

can change.)

Using Effective Communication Techniques to Reduce Conflict

Once you find yourself in a conflicted situation with someone else, it

is important to reduce the emotional charge from the situation so that

you and the other person can deal with your differences on a rational

level in resolving the conflict.



The Defusing Technique: The other person might be angry and may come to

the situation armed with a number of arguments describing how you are to

blame for his or her unhappiness. Your goal is to address the other’s

anger – and you do this by simply agreeing with the person. When you

find some truth in the other point of view, it is difficult for the

other person to maintain anger. For example, “I know that I said I would

call you last night. You are absolutely right. I wish I could be more

responsible sometimes.” The accusation might be completely unreasonable

from your viewpoint, but there is always some truth in what the other

person says. At the very least, we need to acknowledge that individuals

have different ways of seeing things. This does not mean that we have to

compromise our own basic principles. We simply validate the other’s

stance so that we can move on to a healthier resolution of the conflict.

This may be hard to do in a volatile situation, but a sign of individual

strength and integrity is the ability to postpone our immediate

reactions in order to achieve positive goals. Sometimes we have to

“lose” in order, ultimately, to “win.”



Empathy: Try to put yourself into the shoes of the other person. See the

world through their eyes. Empathy is an important listening technique

which gives the other feedback that he or she is being heard. There are

two forms of empathy. Thought Empathy gives the message that you

understand what the other is trying to say. You can do this in

conversation by paraphrasing the words of the other person. For example,

“I understand you to say that your trust in me has been broken.” Feeling

Empathy is your acknowledgment of how the other person probably feels.

It is important never to attribute emotions which may not exist for the

other person (such as, “You’re confused with all your emotional upheaval

right now”), but rather to indicate your perception of how the person

must be feeling. For example, “I guess you probably feel pretty mad at

me right now.”

Exploration: Ask gentle, probing questions about what the other person

is thinking and feeling. Encourage the other to talk fully about what is

on his or her mind. For example, “Are there any other thoughts that you

need to share with me?”

Using “I” Statements: Take responsibility for your own thoughts rather

than attributing motives to the other person. This decreases the chance

that the other person will become defensive. For example, “I feel pretty

upset that this thing has come between us.” This statement is much more

effective than saying, “You have made me feel very upset.”

Stroking: Find positive things to say about the other person, even if

the other is angry with you. Show a respectful attitude. For example, “I

genuinely respect you for having the courage to bring this problem to

me. I admire your strength and your caring attitude.”



A Rational Way of Resolving Conflicts

Here is a model that may help in resolving interpersonal conflicts.



Identify the Problem. Have a discussion to understand both sides of the

problem. The goal at this initial stage is to say what you want and to

listen to what the other person wants. Define the things that you both

agree on, as well as the ideas that have caused the disagreement. It is

important to listen actively to what the other is saying, use “I”

statements and avoid blame.

Come Up With Several Possible Solutions. This is the brainstorming

phase. Drawing on the points that you both agree on and your shared

goals, generate a list of as many ideas as you can for solving the

problem, regardless of how feasible they might be. Aim toward quantity

of ideas rather than quality during this phase, and let creativity be

your guide.

Evaluate These Alternative Solutions. Now go through the list of

alternative solutions to the problem, one by one. Consider the pros and

cons of the remaining solutions until the list is narrowed down to one

or two of the best ways of handling the problem. It is important for

each person to be honest in this phase. The solutions might not be ideal

for either person and may involve compromise.

Decide on the Best Solution. Select the solution that seems mutually

acceptable, even if it is not perfect for either party. As long as it

seems fair and there is a mutual commitment to work with the decision,

the conflict has a chance for resolution.

Implement the Solution. It is important to agree on the details of what

each party must do, who is responsible for implementing various parts of

the agreement, and what to do in case the agreement starts to break

down.

Continue to Evaluate the Solution. Conflict resolutions should be seen

as works in progress. Make it a point to ask the other person from time

to time how things are going. Something unexpected might have come up or

some aspect of the problem may have been overlooked. Your decisions

should be seen as open to revision, as long as the revisions are agreed

upon mutually.



Wishing you the best as you practice new skills for conflict and

communication.
                                                     
                                                                   END


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 ..And  mr. poulos  is   explaining  some thing to  pharmacist sasi  and  jhi sudheer. what  may be  the subject?  onam... films..

  or  politics...only god  knows..

    The ' nakkilas'   are  ready....   but  where  are  the  players.?

Ms.  kumary  is supervising   the servings...

  And  she  is  serving   to Mr.sasi. " you  want  sambar?  papad?  please  ask me  for   without hesitation...'

J.H.I. Bijay  is  overlooking   the progress of  the "onasadhya..."

"any  shortage of  anything...?

And   she is   curiously  watching   USHA ..

"water  please..."

Madhavi   is  supervising  the whole process  from  the very beginning to the  last.

" do  you want a bit of pulinchi...?"

.........AND   THEY ARE   POSING  FOR  A GROUP PHOTO

 WELCOMING   "PONNONAM"