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Monday, October 19, 2009

Relation between interpersonal conflicts and effective communition by poulos




relation between interpersonal conflicts and effective communication -- by poulos,kerala india




Relation  between
Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication




We   are getting on and on  with    the neverending  conflicting  situations   endangling  suomotto    and  seek   to   encarve  the imprints among the  free path  of our lives.


      poulos   is  hithering  to  have a momentery glimpse   over the communication aspect of 
 the roots of interpersonal   conflicts.




Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication

Conflict between people is a fact of life – and it’s not necessarily a

bad thing. In fact, a relationship with frequent conflict may be

healthier than one with no observable conflict. Conflicts occur at all

levels of interaction – at work, among friends, within families and

between relationship partners. When conflict occurs, the relationship

may be weakened or strengthened. Thus, conflict is a critical event in

the course of a relationship. Conflict can cause resentment, hostility

and perhaps the ending of the relationship. If it is handled well,

however, conflict can be productive – leading to deeper understanding,

mutual respect and closeness. Whether a relationship is healthy or

unhealthy depends not so much on the number of conflicts between

participants, but on how the conflicts are resolved.

Sometimes people shy away from conflict, and the reasons for this are

numerous. They may, for example, feel that their underlying anger may go

out of control if they open the door to conflict. Thus, they may see

conflict as an all-or-nothing situation (either they avoid it altogether

or they end up in an all-out combative mode, regardless of the real

severity of the conflict). Or they may find it difficult to face

conflict because they feel inadequate in general or in the particular

relationship. They may have difficulty in positively asserting their

views and feelings. Children who grow up surrounded by destructive

conflict may, as adults, determine never to participate in discord. In

this situation, the person may never have learned that there are

effective, adaptive ways to communicate in the face of conflict.

People adopt a number of different styles in facing conflict. First, it

is very common to see a person avoid or deny the existence of conflict.

Unfortunately, in this case, the conflict often lingers in the

background during interaction between the participants and creates the

potential for further tension and even more conflict. A second response

style is that of one person getting mad and blaming the other person.

This occurs when a person mistakenly equates conflict with anger. This

stance does nothing to resolve the conflict and in fact only serves to

increase the degree of friction between the two participants by

amplifying defensiveness. A third way which some people use to resolve

conflict is by using power and influence to win at the other’s expense.

They welcome conflict because it allows their competitive impulses to

emerge, but they fail to understand that the conflict is not really

resolved since the “loser” will continue to harbor resentment.

Similarly, some people appear to compromise in resolving the conflict,

but they subtly manipulate the other person in the process, and this,

again, perpetuates the conflict between the two parties and compromises

the trust between them. There are better ways to handle interpersonal

conflict.

Healthy Approaches to Conflict Resolution

Conflicts run all the way from minor, unimportant differences to

disputes which can threaten the existence of a relationship. Conflicts

with a loved one or a long-term friend are, of course, different from

negotiating with someone who does not care about your needs, like a

stranger or a salesperson. However, there is an underlying principle

that underscores all successful conflict resolution. That is, both

parties must view their conflict as a problem to be solved mutually so

that both parties have the feeling of winning – or at least finding a

solution which is acceptable to both. Each person must participate

actively in the resolution and make an effort and commitment to find

answers which are as fair as possible to both. This is an easy principle

to understand, but it is often difficult to put into practice.

We may get so caught up with our own immediate interests that we damage

our relationships. If we disregard or minimize the position of the other

person, if fear and power are used to win, or if we always have to get

our own way, the other person will feel hurt and the relationship may be

wounded. Similarly, if we always surrender just to avoid conflict, we

give the message to the other person that it is acceptable to act

self-serving at our expense and insensitive to our needs. Our feeling of

self-worth suffers, resentment festers, and we feel poisoned in the

relationship. Instead, it is healthier if both parties can remain open,

honest, assertive and respectful of the other position. Mutual trust and

respect, as well as a positive, constructive attitude, are fundamental

necessities in relationships that matter.

Preventing Conflict

Most people have no interest in creating conflict with others. Most of

us know enough about human behavior to distinguish between healthy

communication and the words or actions that contribute to rocky

relationships. It is in our interest to maintain relations which are

smooth, flexible, and mutually enhancing. The problem occurs when we

fail to use cooperative approaches consistently in our dealing with

others. We seldom create conflict intentionally. We do it because we may

not be aware of how our own behavior contributes to interpersonal

problems. Sometimes we forget, or we are frustrated and annoyed, and

sometimes we just have a bad day. At times we feel so exasperated that

we focus on our own needs at the expense of others’. And then we find

ourselves in conflict.

To prevent conflict from happening in the first place, it is important

to identify the ways in which we contribute to the disagreement. One way

of doing this is to identify a specific, recent conflicted situation,

recall what you said, and then think specifically about how you could

have used more effective language. Think about ways in which your

communication could have set a more trustful tone or reduced

defensiveness. Then, once you have identified your part in the conflict,

such as blaming, practice working on that particular behavior for a day

or a week. At the end of the time period, evaluate your progress. Did

you succeed? In what situations did you not succeed? (While it may be

the other person who created the conflict, you are the other half of the

interaction and it is your own response that you have control over and

can change.)

Using Effective Communication Techniques to Reduce Conflict

Once you find yourself in a conflicted situation with someone else, it

is important to reduce the emotional charge from the situation so that

you and the other person can deal with your differences on a rational

level in resolving the conflict.



The Defusing Technique: The other person might be angry and may come to

the situation armed with a number of arguments describing how you are to

blame for his or her unhappiness. Your goal is to address the other’s

anger – and you do this by simply agreeing with the person. When you

find some truth in the other point of view, it is difficult for the

other person to maintain anger. For example, “I know that I said I would

call you last night. You are absolutely right. I wish I could be more

responsible sometimes.” The accusation might be completely unreasonable

from your viewpoint, but there is always some truth in what the other

person says. At the very least, we need to acknowledge that individuals

have different ways of seeing things. This does not mean that we have to

compromise our own basic principles. We simply validate the other’s

stance so that we can move on to a healthier resolution of the conflict.

This may be hard to do in a volatile situation, but a sign of individual

strength and integrity is the ability to postpone our immediate

reactions in order to achieve positive goals. Sometimes we have to

“lose” in order, ultimately, to “win.”



Empathy: Try to put yourself into the shoes of the other person. See the

world through their eyes. Empathy is an important listening technique

which gives the other feedback that he or she is being heard. There are

two forms of empathy. Thought Empathy gives the message that you

understand what the other is trying to say. You can do this in

conversation by paraphrasing the words of the other person. For example,

“I understand you to say that your trust in me has been broken.” Feeling

Empathy is your acknowledgment of how the other person probably feels.

It is important never to attribute emotions which may not exist for the

other person (such as, “You’re confused with all your emotional upheaval

right now”), but rather to indicate your perception of how the person

must be feeling. For example, “I guess you probably feel pretty mad at

me right now.”

Exploration: Ask gentle, probing questions about what the other person

is thinking and feeling. Encourage the other to talk fully about what is

on his or her mind. For example, “Are there any other thoughts that you

need to share with me?”

Using “I” Statements: Take responsibility for your own thoughts rather

than attributing motives to the other person. This decreases the chance

that the other person will become defensive. For example, “I feel pretty

upset that this thing has come between us.” This statement is much more

effective than saying, “You have made me feel very upset.”

Stroking: Find positive things to say about the other person, even if

the other is angry with you. Show a respectful attitude. For example, “I

genuinely respect you for having the courage to bring this problem to

me. I admire your strength and your caring attitude.”



A Rational Way of Resolving Conflicts

Here is a model that may help in resolving interpersonal conflicts.



Identify the Problem. Have a discussion to understand both sides of the

problem. The goal at this initial stage is to say what you want and to

listen to what the other person wants. Define the things that you both

agree on, as well as the ideas that have caused the disagreement. It is

important to listen actively to what the other is saying, use “I”

statements and avoid blame.

Come Up With Several Possible Solutions. This is the brainstorming

phase. Drawing on the points that you both agree on and your shared

goals, generate a list of as many ideas as you can for solving the

problem, regardless of how feasible they might be. Aim toward quantity

of ideas rather than quality during this phase, and let creativity be

your guide.

Evaluate These Alternative Solutions. Now go through the list of

alternative solutions to the problem, one by one. Consider the pros and

cons of the remaining solutions until the list is narrowed down to one

or two of the best ways of handling the problem. It is important for

each person to be honest in this phase. The solutions might not be ideal

for either person and may involve compromise.

Decide on the Best Solution. Select the solution that seems mutually

acceptable, even if it is not perfect for either party. As long as it

seems fair and there is a mutual commitment to work with the decision,

the conflict has a chance for resolution.

Implement the Solution. It is important to agree on the details of what

each party must do, who is responsible for implementing various parts of

the agreement, and what to do in case the agreement starts to break

down.

Continue to Evaluate the Solution. Conflict resolutions should be seen

as works in progress. Make it a point to ask the other person from time

to time how things are going. Something unexpected might have come up or

some aspect of the problem may have been overlooked. Your decisions

should be seen as open to revision, as long as the revisions are agreed

upon mutually.



Wishing you the best as you practice new skills for conflict and

communication.
                                                     
                                                                   END


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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

ONAKHOSHAM 2009 AT PHC POOMALA


    ONAKHOSHAM 2009  AT PHC POOMALA
          PUBLISHED  BY  POULOS
          

     PHOTOS  OF  ONAKHOSHAM 2009.....


 ALL THE  PHOTOS ARE IN   CRUDE FORM....


 PLEASE  WATCH  AND COMMENT



                                    ENTERS  THE WINTERY   SUNRAYS OF  'PONNINCHINGAM'....



        SOME  REGISTERS   ARE   LEFT  TO  BE CLOSED........... SHE IS BUSY...


A  CHAT OF GOSSIPPING BY VIMALA  AND KUMARY.   EVEN ON THIS  FINE DAY  ALSO...




 ..And  mr. poulos  is   explaining  some thing to  pharmacist sasi  and  jhi sudheer. what  may be  the subject?  onam... films..
  or  politics...only god  knows..



    The ' nakkilas'   are  ready....   but  where  are  the  players.?
Ms.  kumary  is supervising   the servings...

  And  she  is  serving   to Mr.sasi. " you  want  sambar?  papad?  please  ask me  for   without hesitation...'

J.H.I. Bijay  is  overlooking   the progress of  the "onasadhya..."
"any  shortage of  anything...?

And   she is   curiously  watching   USHA ..
"water  please..."


Madhavi   is  supervising  the whole process  from  the very beginning to the  last.
" do  you want a bit of pulinchi...?"



.........AND   THEY ARE   POSING  FOR  A GROUP PHOTO
 WELCOMING   "PONNONAM"